Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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