i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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