I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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