i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
