Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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