bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
