Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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