I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
should my penis look like a turkey
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
