The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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