drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
