So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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