On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
