Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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