so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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