You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
