so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
