I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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