who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's the barista slut.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
