If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
