She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
