Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
