I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
