just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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