and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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