I wish I could teleport
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
