I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
