I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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