No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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