Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize