Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
