Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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