I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
