i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she smelled like a LAN party
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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