I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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