But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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