I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
