i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
