Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
