I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize