Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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