I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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