dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize