She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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