when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
