Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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