my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
