If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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