Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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