Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
420 ftw
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
