I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize