Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize