I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
