it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
