Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
