We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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