my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
