hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
