I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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