I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
