My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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