Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
PANTIES FOUND
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