So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
