I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize