I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
