I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
