My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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