So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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