I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize