I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
