I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
