Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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