Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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