Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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